"On the Greens"
Lincoln Valley Golf Course
Submitted by Jeff Barry
February 25, 2008

News at the Course:
    This Sunday may be the second most important meeting the Lincoln Valley Golf Course has ever had.  Please make a point of coming out to the banquet hall for this 1:30 meeting.  The goal was to see $100,000 pledged to the golf course this year and thus raising $500,000 in five years with the hope to eliminate the debt that has been hanging over the course's head.  As of February 25, that goal is a long ways from being met, so it is vital for people to step up to the plate and see to it that the necessary money is donated to keep our course alive.  Please be there Sunday, and please bring your friends and family.

Upcoming Dates and Events: 
March 2:  Members Meeting and Update at 1:30 in the Banquet Hall
                  ______________________________
                                  "Golf and the Nun"
      A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair.  She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.
    "What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I thought this was
 the day you spent with your family."
"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know, I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."
     "I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day
of recreation was not relaxing?"
     "Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!"
        "Goodness, Sister !" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it !"
  "Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster  - a 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"
     "Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate, but surely that didn't
make you blaspheme, Sister!"
  "No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!"
        "Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized the Mother.
        "But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of
myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his talons!"
"So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile.
      "Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the
hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"
       Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said..."You missed the #*&! putt, didn't you?!"
                      _______________________________

Contacts, Memberships, Phone Numbers:
Lincoln Valley Golf Course:  483-2054
Nick Grossman, Board President:  751-4013
Kathy Allenstein:  515-230-5964
Dustin Eggers, Superintendent:  641-351-9208
Our "Really Great" Web Site is lincolnvalleygolf.com

Parting Comments:
     In case you have not heard the news, as of April 1, smoking will be banned in the clubhouse and banquet hall.  This was voted on by the Lincoln Valley Board of Directors earlier this month and was approved unanimously.  As you have heard in the news, smoking in public places has been a hot topic, and it sounds like smoking will be banned in most public facilities.  I guess you could say the golf course has beaten the law makers to the punch.  Smoking will be allowed on the decks and grounds outside the buildings.

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Jeff Barry