"On the Greens"
Submitted by Jeff Barry
News at the Course:
Yes, the weather was awesome for the
Rose Festival weekend! There were many people who came out and enjoyed
some golf, and many came out Sunday morning for some biscuits and gravy, thanks
to the Ladies' Association.
As far as our financial standing, we are
hanging in there despite limited play in May and early June. Now that the
weather has straightened up, we expect many more golfers, both the greens fee
people and our members. Please make sure you check in at the clubhouse
first. Buy some drinks while you are in there, too!
Dates to Remember:
Friday, June 27 Couples Golf in the afternoon and evening
Also That Night Benefit for Cherl Slifka at the K-8 Complex -
Late Afternoon
Saturday, June 28 American Legion Outing
Friday, July 4 Open Golf - Book Your Tee Times
Tuesday,July 8 Budweiser Stag - Two-Man
Best Shot
NOTE: All Leagues and
Couples Nights - Members Only
______________________________
Bran Muffins
The couple were 85 years old, and had been
married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to
get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were
both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods
and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation
and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them
inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine
silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A
maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he
said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to
cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied. 'Remember, this is your reward
in Heaven.'
The old man looked out the window and
right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than
any ever built on Earth.
What are the greens fees?' grumbled the old man.
This is heaven,' St. Peter
replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw
the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them,
from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man. This is Heaven; it is all
free for you to enjoy.'
The old man looked around and
glanced nervously at his wife.
Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the
decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.
'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat
and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat
or sick. This is Heaven!'
The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or
blood pressure or...'
'Never again. All you do
here is enjoy yourself.'
The old man glared
at his wife and said, 'You and your bran muffins. We could have been here
ten years ago!'
_______________________________
Contacts,
Memberships, Phone Numbers:
Lincoln Valley Golf Course: 483-2054
Nick Grossman, Board President: 751-4013
Aaron Cluver, Clubhouse Manager: 515-988-5483
Dustin Eggers, Superintendent: 641-351-9208
Our "Really Great" Web Site is lincolnvalleygolf.com
Parting Shot:
Just a reminder that it does not cost you a dime to have your next party
or reunion golf outing at Lincoln Valley. There are still some folks who
think there is a fee to have a party in the clubhouse. That is not
true. We want, and need, the business, so call the clubhouse today to
book your party - or even have your own small-bunch-of-close-friends-golf
outing.
--
Jeff Barry