"On the Greens"
Lincoln Valley Golf Course
Submitted by Jeff Barry
August 17, 2008

News at the Course:
      I know this is a golf column, but I would like to talk a little tennis.  If you are like me and like tennis, you have been disgusted with our shabby courts here in town.  I imagine in "their day" they were pretty darn nice; plus, there are two courts and not just one.  However, over the years and after some pretty severe drainage problems, the courts have become kind of sad.  Now, though, the drainage tiles have been fixed and the nets have been put up, and my friend Jim Figgins, has painted the lines white like they are suppose to be.  That has made a remarkable difference,  Yes, it would be nice to have new courts without any cracks, and it would be nice to have green courts, like new ones are, but this is a start.  The courts really aren't that bad and are playable.  So, if you want a change of pace this fall, after playing golf for the last four or five months, dust off your racket, buy some new tennis balls, and go to the courts,  And if you see Jim, tell him thanks and ask him for a game. 

Dates to Remember:
August 22:  Gilmore/Dole Outing - 8:30 Shotgun Front Nine Only
August 23:    3M Outing - 8:00 Shotgun
August 23:      Erin Riveland Wedding Reception
August 24:       Manatts Outing - 9:00 Shotgun
* This Fall:       30-Year Anniversary Celebration on Saturday, September 27

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AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES  BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES  WHILE YOU CHOP.

3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT  BY USING THE SINK.

4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH. 

7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.  

8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
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Contacts, Memberships, Phone Numbers:
Lincoln Valley Golf Course:  483-2054
Nick Grossman, Board President:  751-4013
Aaron Cluver, Clubhouse Manager:  515-988-5483
Dustin Eggers, Superintendent:  641-351-9208
Our "Really Great" Web Site is lincolnvalleygolf.com

Parting Shot:
  Soon we will be having our annual meeting.  In the past, the turnout has not been that great.  This fall, I think that will be different.  Many of the folks in this community and surrounding area have a little more interest than in the past.  That may be because the course was a whisker from closing, or maybe you were one of the generous souls who put up some money to help save LV and now have a vested interest.  Whatever the case, you might want to be there when this meeting is held.  I will let you know the date when I know.

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Jeff Barry