"On the Greens"
Lincoln Valley Golf Course
Submitted by Jeff Barry
Monday, August 31, 2009

News at the Course:
      There is much happening at LV this month of September.  Make sure you know the dates and get involved.  After the big rains we had the end of August, the course has really greened up and looks very nice.  Fall is nearing quickly, but let's hope not too quickly.  The corn and beans need some time to dry out, and many of us do not want to see summer end.  May our summers never end...

Dates to Remember: 
Sept. 3             Men's League Banquet
Sept. 4             Couples Night - 6:00
Sept. 5             W.M. Booster Glow Ball Outing
Sept. 8            Ladies Fall Banquet - 5:30 Social Hour - 6:30 Dinner

Sept. 13        4-Man Best Shot Open - 1:00 Shotgun for the Guys

Sept. 14        Mid-Iowa Seniors Open - 8:00 Shotgun
Sept. 16    New Board's First Meeting
Sept. 18       Last Couples Night - 6:00
Sept. 19       Woodrow's First Annual Golf Outing
Sept. 20      Wilkening Reunion Golf Outing - 9 Holes at 9:00

Sept. 26        2-Couple Best Shot 9:00

Sept. 27        Annual Membership Meeting - 2:00 in the Banquet Hall

ACTUAL CALLS RECEIVED AT THE PUBLIC GOLF COURSE
  Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
  Caller:    Do you have any open tee times around 10 o'clock?
  Staff:     Yes, we have one at 10:15.
  Caller:    What's the next time after that?
  Staff:     We have one at 10:22.
  Caller:    We'll take that one. It will be a bit warmer.

  Staff:    Golf course, may I help you?
  Caller:   How much to play golf today?
  Staff:    25 to walk, 38 with a cart.
  Caller:   38 dollars?
  Staff:    No, 38 yen.

  Staff:    Golf course, may I help you?
  Caller:   What do you have for tee times tomorrow?
  Staff:    What time would you like?
  Caller:   What times do you have?
  Staff:    What time of the day?
  Caller:   Any time..
  Staff:    Morning or afternoon?
  Caller:   Whenever.
  Staff:    We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in the
             afternoon.  Would you like me to read the whole list?
  Caller:   No, I don't think any of those times will work for me.

                        ______________________________

Church Jokes
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" 
        Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
                                ______________________________

Contacts, Memberships, Phone Numbers:
Lincoln Valley Golf Course:  483-2054
Our Website: http://lincolnvalleygolf.com/
Aaron Cluver, Clubhouse Manager:  515-988-5483
Dustin Eggers, Superintendent:  641-351-9208
Board Members:  Jeff Barry, President, Dallas Pfantz, Vice-President, Nancy Figgins, Secretary, Gary Underwood, Treasurer, Joe McGuire, Justin Edler, Pat Howe, Duane Davis, and Claudie McClain

Looney Tune Sighting:
       I live in a semi-rural area.  We recently had a new neighbor call the local township office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign along the road.  The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here.  I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

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Jeff Barry